Sleep..PLEASE.

When I was pregnant with Lukas I had known not to expect much sleep. After all the stories you hear, I finally gathered that babies dont sleep. Well Lukas was and has been quite the opposite. He slept great as a baby. Its into the toddler stages he is not sleeping. i wasn't warned about this. And to be quite frank. I am just exhausted, more now than ever before. Not because I have a 11 month old either. I find it very amusing my 11 month old sleeps better than his 3 year old brother. I find myself more irritable, unproductive, depressed and just blah when i dont get sleep. And for me thats saying alot. I never have required alot of sleep. I love early mornings. But I want them to be in my time. Not being woke up at 3am like the sun has risen hours ago!
Lukas is a very stubborn boy.Anytime there is disagreements about sleep time, he fights it to no end and will not go back to bed. I guess this is one of those things that did change when Isak came into our lives. We lost the routine of bed time. My goal today is to stay focused on routine. Not a time routine but a habit routine. today I learned the difference between the two. I feel like i have been walking on egg shells with the two. When i lay Isak down then luke i get flustered cause lukas will yell and cry and wake his brother up. If i wait to lay isak down lukas wont sleep. I am learning that i just need to do what i desire in my children and stick to it. Not waver. And not waver based on circumstances and I have done this. I get distracted by my own selfishness. I have failed so much as a parent. I want to make things right and stop having anger in my heart, that grows into bitterness towards my kids for lack of sleep. I know now that lukas has just been confused by inconsistency. For me that is a hard one to swallow. But my pride finally falls beneath me and leave it there.Walking into Consistency, the goal. We have a crazy, unrealistic lifestyle when it comes to routines based on time. Reading a article this morning changed my lifes perspective. If my husband and I offer the kids consistency in meals, love, playtime, bed time and relationships they will be just fine.